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A little over seven years ago, my life was starting down a new path of discovery, empowerment, and life lessons. I didn’t know it then, but by choosing to seek solutions rather than focus on my problems, I had already begun taking steps towards the future I am living now.
I was coming through some of the most challenging times in my life, as the years prior had held divorce, deaths, and unquantifiable chaos for me. I had been running away from the phantoms that haunted me, feeling the weight of my learned helplessness bearing down on me day after day, and struggling to think clearly—let alone envision a future of peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
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Yet, here I am today: putting the final touches on my first novel as well as my first children’s book, comprehending Spanish at an intermediate level, and taking care of myself like never before (all goals which at that time seemed entirely unobtainable). So what changed? What was it about the last seven years that was so significant that my life turned around in such profound ways? And why am I reminiscing about it all now?
Flowing with the Cycles of Time
The Summer Solstice is only a couple days away here in the northern hemisphere, and similarly to the energy of a Full Moon, the heights of our solar luminary brings illumination and revelation. Yet, rather than finding myself drawn into reflections on the past six months, since the Winter Solstice and the start of this solar cycle, I’m going back much further—all the way to the spring of 2018.
At that time, I was getting ready to embark on my first plant medicine retreat, and I was absolutely terrified. I hadn’t realized that the trip I was preparing for would include Ayahuasca and San Pedro until a couple weeks after paying the deposit. I thought that I was going to be meeting up with some of the progressive thinkers I’d been following online since college for some philosophical workshops and deep conversations. My excitement immediately turned to dread when I learned the truth, yet I still went.
Looking back now, I am so grateful that I took that chance, faced those fears, and began the journey of healing and reclamation that ultimately helped me shed so many layers of pain and limitation. I’m also keenly aware of another factor now too, and that’s the Uranus transit through Taurus that began at that same time. It’s also a transit that is wrapping up, as Uranus will be changing signs within the next few weeks.
A Transcendental Planet, but Personal Evolution
Taurus is my sun sign, the place of a heavyweight stellium in my chart, as well as my 12th house (as a Gemini rising), so it carries a lot of weight for me personally (specifically with regards to hidden motivations, spirituality, and the mysteries). Understanding all of this today, it’s no surprise to me that I’ve gotten certificates in Reiki, Kundalini Yoga, and Hellenistic Astrology; sat regularly with Mama Aya and more than a half-dozen other plant medicines; or began building a spirit-led business throughout these past seven years.
Personally, it was an era of great upheaval and transformation in the realms of my traumatic conditioning, my escapist tendencies, and my spiritual growth. And given Uranus’ placement and temperament (generational lord of innovation, invention, and initiation), it makes absolute sense. Of course, lots of other transits have occurred throughout that time too. Truly, though Uranus is the last major planet shifting signs this year, all of them have shifted signs following Pluto’s generationally-defining shift last fall. Yet, our Pisces Last Quarter Moon today has me focusing intensely on this one transit.
Pisces is the ruler of the 12th house, and additionally, the last quarter moon is a lunation that carries the energy of wrapping up or bringing to a close. So, it makes sense that Uranus’ journey through my 12th house coming to an end would be highlighted for me right now… Yet, something about it still feels deeper, like there’s more to this sense of unsurety than these neat and convenient correlations I’m able to make so easily nowadays.
Walking into a New Era of Unknown Potentials
Since developing strange pain in my knees and trying to figure out how to remedy inflammation beneath my kneecaps in these past couple of weeks, I eventually had to start asking what the spiritual implications are for that kind of injury. What I’ve found seems incredibly timely, and might also shed some light on this sense of enigma I’ve been grappling with too. Apparently, knee pain (especially in both knees simultaneously) can indicate a hesitation to move forward or a resistance to change.
Now, having come into my own as a Gemini rising in the past few years, I pride myself on being highly adaptable and typically enjoy meeting the unsure future with excitement and curiosity—but, I have to admit, this hits home. I can’t even explain why. It’s that same feeling of conundrum, a spaciousness without boundaries, and a heightened sense of how limited my awareness truly is that surfaces whenever I try to make sense of it.
In so many ways, I feel ready for the next phase in life. I’m honored and proud to have come as far as I have in recent years, and I’m looking forward to exploring new horizons as this truly optimistic, healed, and radiantly joyful person… Yet, there’s also that hesitation that creeps in from somewhere deep in my belly, casting doubt on everything I’ve learned and discovered, asking me: are you sure?
Choosing Bravery for an Undetermined Future
Uranus will be moving into Gemini on July 7th. This is my rising sign and therefore my first house (which rules identity, sense of self, and how we see the world). Perhaps that’s why, knowing all this and looking back over just how wild these past seven years have been, I can’t help but feel a bit of trepidation for what might be in store for me next. I like to think that this past transit, through the underbelly of my 12th house, has more than prepared me for whatever’s to come, but I’m still a human with very real insecurities and creeping self-doubts.
I’ve gotten comfortable overturning the stones of mystery in this era of deep, spiritual upheaval—but setting out to start disrupting the status quo in the areas of my self-concept? Well, then I’m back to square one with nothing to my credit but the chance to learn anew. It is scary. It will be hard. And yet… I can’t help but feel an insatiable curiousity to find out exactly what this new era holds for me too.
So, here I am at yet another junction of change in these cycles of life, and in addition to looking back with deep appreciation for all that’s come to pass I am choosing to look forward with courage in my heart as well. These earthy, human journeys are ripe with upheaval and challenge, but they also contain incredible opportunities for growth and discovery—and if the past seven years has taught me anything, it’s that focusing on those gifts of possibility will always get us farther than getting bogged down in harsh reality. I may not ever be ready for whatever is coming next, but I am choosing to embrace it regardless.
Setting Intentions for an Era of Actualization
Another synchronicity that I can’t help but feel the potent possibilities of at this time, is that I’ve recently been reading The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart. This book is a deep, scientific dive into the research surrounding intention and how the human mind effects its physical reality. Truly, the amount of data it contains is almost too much for me at times, yet I think it’s also quickly becoming one of my favorite reads.
If you’re curious at all about the quantum potentials we have as humans, I highly recommend that you get your own copy, but I’ll spare you the many details myself (to be honest, I wouldn’t even know where to begin, and I’m not even halfway through it yet). Suffice to say, we are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for, and through specific focus and precise practice, we are capable of influencing reality in ways that are commonly referred to as miraculous or magickal.
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With this book challenging the way I’ve understood my abilities and potentials for so long, and especially right now at this threshold moment in my life, I can’t help but think about the intentions I will be walking into this new era with. I do know, now more than ever, I will be moving forward intentionally. What those intentions will be, I’m still not certain, but I can feel the intensity of their possibility building as we reach the crescendo of this solar cycle. Maybe that’s the true cause of this undefined, spacious unknowing I’ve been grappling with… Maybe it’s not fear at all—maybe it’s an invitation.
