A significant portion of this piece was written after a brief journey to stay with the Huni Kuin in the Amazon rainforest in May 2023; it contains actual accounts of plant medicine experiences and subsequent integration processes. All edits and updates have been made by the original author.
By mayryanna
I went to bed early. So early that I was surprised to see the time while brushing my teeth. 9:46pm – “I must be tired,” I thought.
I then proceeded to toss and turn in bed for well over three hours, until I finally remembered… It’s a full moon tonight. Of course I can’t sleep.
It reached its peak right as I felt compelled to go to bed. Perhaps it was actually my altar calling me to my room.
My Ongoing Journey of Awareness
This sleeplessness phenomenon has been going on longer than I can remember, but I started to notice it most often coincides with full and new moons when I began remembering my magick. It’s been over half a decade now, so one might think I’ve integrated it – but alas, my magick continues to surprise me.
Moon Cycle Journey
Enhance your life with lunar wisdom, attuning to the rhythms of nature.
Typically, I record all moon phases and other astrological transits two weeks out on my calendar, but I’ve been home from the Amazon rainforest just over a week now and only got my calendar sorted out for the next two weeks earlier today. I guess the random app notifications and various mentions of the full moon in my feeds the past few days wasn’t enough preparation to actually engrain it in my awareness.
It’s good to have the opportunity to review which of my tools and resources are working, or not. I guess I won’t be taking my calendar for granted the same way in the future, or relying on my tech notifications for my mystical awareness anymore.
Answering Intuition’s Call
It’s past 2:30am now. Upon my realization of the cause of my restlessness, I got up and lit my alter candle. I followed with smudge, blessing myself, my home, and other sacred places.
After the meditative clearing, I put on Huni Kuin ceremony chants and pulled some divinatory cards. Unsurprisingly, the reading indicated that I need to trust myself more.
Perhaps if I took myself more seriously, I would have understood my intuition wasn’t that I needed to go to sleep early tonight. Perhaps, I would have actually brought iodine or my Lifestraw filter to the rainforest like I had thought to while preparing for the trip, avoiding the “jungle guts” I’ve only just begun to recover from, instead of asking our group leader and believing the water would be fine. Regardless, I’m certainly eager to learn to trust myself and decode my intuition more successfully going forward.
I have no regrets. I learned a lot from my illness and from tonight’s small blunder too. Yet, I can’t help but be curious about the alternatives.
Seeking New Horizons
The cards also told me I’ve done well at starting over… But, I need to put an end to my instability. That I will live my dreams when I embrace optimism and start making my own luck, seeing challenges as opportunities.
While in the Amazon, it came easily. Even as I faced some of the most difficult sacred medicine journeys I’ve ever had, I remained grateful and brave.
Even since being home, I’ve accepted my exhaustion and weakness, refusing to condemn my illness and instead choosing to focus on the benefits of it as a prolonged purge. Yet, my attentiveness has obviously started to falter again.
Plant Medicine Integration
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Maybe this is just a warning. A gentle reminder of how easy it is to slip back into unconsciousness and go through life on autopilot. Actually, I’m certain it’s just that.
I’ve learned too much, I’ve purged too much, I’ve reframed, redirected, and manifested too much to be able to truly doubt myself and magick anymore. The only way I can drift now is by allowing distractions to steal my clarity – whether it’s trusting another’s perceived authority or knowledge over my own intuition, or allowing my awareness to slip because my routine is temporarily suspended.
I’m done with that now. I’m choosing the different path once more – taking myself and my clarity seriously. After everything I’ve been through to reconnect with my authenticity and reclaim my innocence, the only option is to keep diving deeper into the mysteries.
Choosing Authenticity, Again
I trust myself, deeply and truly, but sometimes life causes me to lose sight of myself entirely. I become an automaton, playing out various roles, more concerned with what’s expected than my own enchantments. Sometimes, the distractions are so convincing that I worry I am actually the automaton.
In my weariness this past week, I had a few moments of spiritual weakness like that. I saw myself unable to perform the expected roles in the ways I’ve grown accustomed to performing them, and I judged myself for failing at… Being a fake? Tuning into an external validation system? Arbitrary standards?
Moon Cycle Journey
Enhance your life with lunar wisdom, attuning to the rhythms of nature.
From here, in the crystal clear illumination of the full moon, it’s all to my credit now. Perhaps the “jungle guts” gave me more than just an extended purge after all. I think they might have also allowed me to disengage from many of the roles I would have otherwise fallen back into after returning home.
Even my restlessness – what a beautiful gift that has been, allowing me to reflect and reenchant. My frustrations while tossing in my bed were all lies – this appreciation is the truth.
“Só alegria,” as my Huni Kuin brothers and sisters would say. Which is exactly how I’ll be making my own luck. So it is!
Continue Your Journey
Packed with thoughtful worksheets, from pre-ceremony snapshots and intentions, to post-ceremony logs, symbolism research, and support considerations.
Includes reflective journal prompts designed to deepen your integration process and ensure an on-going transformation experience.
Whether you’re a seasoned explorer or a curious beginner, our workbook will support and elevate your integration journey every step of the way. Get ready to extend the life-changing adventure of your plant medicine experiences – Order your copy today!
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